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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 25, 2011 12:35am-1:35am PST

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"jimmy fallon" happening [ cheers and applause ]
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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac --
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, that's what i'm talking about. i love you guys. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," you guys. this is it, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] tonight is all about fist-pumping -- [ cheers and applause ] -- smushing, and getting crazy in the hot tub. [ scattered applause ] that's right. msnbc's martin bashir is in the house. that is -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] good time laundry. ♪ g - t - l. g - t - l. ♪ [ heavy english accent ] >> jimmy: jimmy, gymnasium, tanning, laundry. we have the one and only snooki is on the show this evening! [ cheers and applause ] i'm very psyched.
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i that heard that she and the entire cast of "jersey shore" are going to italy in april for the new season. yeah, well mark the first time that anyone in italy has ordered a penne a la vodka red bull. [ laughter ] actually, you guys came on a very special night. today is our 400th show, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: congratulations, everybody. everyone here at nbc is offering their congratulations. in fact, this morning kathy lee and hoda sent me an empty champagne bottle. isn't that nice? [ laughter and applause ] so thoughtful. i love those guys too. they are awesome. they're always on our show. that's right. it's the 400th episode. only 600 more and i get a free subway sandwich. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, this is weird, you guys. an artist has created a new video game that can only be controlled by french kissing. that's got to be awkward when you ask your buddy over to play
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video games. [ laughter ] "where is the controller?" "it's right here." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "how did this happen?" "let's never speak of this." [ laughter ] listen to this, you guys. i heard that sarah palin is going to a political conference in india next month. yeah, palin said she's loved india ever since she saw "hoosiers." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you hear this? facebook has decided to ban a new app that sends you an e-mail when your crush becomes single. yeah, so you'll just have to find out if they are single the old-fashion way, by clicking on their profile 30 or 40 times a day. [ laughter ] "damn it. let's never speak of this." this isn't good. a new study shows that 50% of
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america's dogs and cats are overweight. in fact, the other day when a mouse ran across my apartment, my cat just said, "i really shouldn't." [ laughter ] i don't know what to make of this. this is a new service called "text boyfriend" that sends loving texts to single women. [ light laughter ] yeah. experts say it's the second-best electronic service available for single women. [ laughter and applause ] i don't get it. >> steve: i don't get it. >> jimmy: i don't get it. >> steve: oh no, you didn't. [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: holster it up. >> steve: you holstered it. >> jimmy: yeah, i had to holster that. finally, this is insane. a man in oklahoma was arrested for putting a chainsaw down his
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pants at a hardware store. in fact, it's already inspired a new movie, "testes chainsaw massacre." ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. we have a wonderful show. [ cheers and applause ] what a great crowd. we have a great 400th show tonight. from "jersey shore," a super fun and hilarious girl, nicole "snooki" polizzi is here! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: snook. he's starting on msnbc next week. a very respected reporter, martin bashir is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and we've got a performance from one of the greats. laurie anderson, ladies and gentlemen, we have tonight. this is good. it's gonna be real, real, real good. good 400th show. you know, a lot of you guys know
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i'm a huge fan of reality tv. you guys love reality tv? [ cheers and applause ] i'm especially -- i'm into "jersey shore." i'm very into "real housewives" series on bravo. [ cheers and applause ] i love it. "real housewives of orange county, new york, new jersey, atlanta, beverly hills, miami." i'm lovin' all of them. shout out to andy cohen. but my favorite -- my absolute favorite is the version that's shot right here in our very own building. it's called the "real housewives of late night." [ cheers and applause ] and it stars my wife denise and four of her friends. they are back for a new season, and take it from me, out of all the "real housewives," it doesn't get more real than this. take a look. [ cheers and applause ] >> previously on "the real housewives of late night," -- ♪ >> hello, who ordered the party? >> my name is denise and my husband is jimmy fallon. >> my name is lidia higgins and my husband is steve higgins, the announcer for "the jimmy fallon show." >> my name is dale miles.
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i'm married to a.d. miles. he's the head writer. >> hi, my name is yvonne. my husband is the director of "late night with jimmy fallon." >> my name is renee biddle and my husband is owen biddle of legendary roots band. >> denise fallon and i do not always get along. [ fighting ] >> this woman is on my last nerve. >> okay? >>enough! >> enough. >> we are all getting along so well, but i knew that couldn't last. ♪ ♪ >> i'm the queen of "late night" and this is my castle. >> i've got a personality as big as my boobies. [ laughter ] >> some people call me sassy and some people call me classy. >> i'm about to show these ladies who the boss is. [ crying ] [ laughter ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> we are back. >> hello. >> good morning, everybody. it's a new year, a new season, and the queen of "late night" is ready to have some fun. >> you can't get rid of us. we're like bedbugs with boobies and vaginas. [ laughter ] >> good morning. ding dong. >> get the hell out of here, please. >> hello. thank you very much. excuse me. are you on the no fly list? just kidding. it's a joke. [ laughter ] can't i make a joke in the morning. >> today i'm hosting a breakfast and all of the girls of "late night" are coming, except for yvonne. oh, i forgot to invite her. oops. >> denise is hosting a breakfast with the mimosas and pastries and various things ofthat nature. she did not invite yvonne. so i'm sure that will go smoothly. not. [ laughter ] >> all right, everybody.
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it's time for hashtags, you guys. here we go. our first tweet is from @gary3. facebook status, dead. oh, that's a good line. >> hello. hi, baby. can you see me? is he up in the -- oh, look here. you see me better here, baby. hey. hi, baby. good job today. >> denise and i buried the hatchet last year, but we still keep our distance because, you know honey, i mean, let's face it. the show ain't big enough for both of us. >> oh, it's not big enough all right because yvonne is a giant. she's like one of those inflatable castles that you rent for birthday parties that kids hop up and down on. >> look, denise fallon can do her thing. i'm just going to do me. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ >> oh, my word. look at all of the carbohydrates. >> dale, you look gorgeous! >> oh my god. >> look at you.
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>> you're a knock out. >> well, our lives have changed so dramatically over the last year. i mean, everywhere i go, it's like, "hey, there's that pistol dale miles." you know? "her husband is the head writer for 'jimmy fallon.' he has been such a hoot." >> hi. kill it. you are a little handsome man. how are you? >> oh, my god. you look like a cationic colombo. [ laughter ] >> and you know, caleb has become like an international super star. i mean, he's got a natural charisma about him that just attracts people to him like a magnet. he's like a justin bieber. >> if that child is justin bieber, then i am -- who's the armenian woman with the rounded buttocks? kim -- kim kardashian? then i am kim kardashian. >> if he doesn't get his paste on time, he goes into glycemic shock. >> and of course caleb is still allergic to food, so he eats his paste ever day. his vitamin, fortified paste.
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that stuff is not cheap. >> chow down, honey bun. >> it's like something andy rooney would rub on his eczema. [ laughter ] it's a nightmare. >> i mean, he just loves to suck down that paste. bless his heart. he can't get enough of it. [ laughter ] >> all right. well, it's time to eat. where the eff is renee? ♪ ♪ >> renee's still got a -- sweet spirit. bless her heart. >> she's a drunk, okay? >> hey! oh my god, you look so -- >> you look fantastic. >> oh there we go. >> we were having a breakfast, so renee brought bacon and eggs. [ laughter ] i'll say this for her. her heart is in the right place. god help her liver.
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but her heart is in the right place. [ snort ] i've never seen a human drink so much. there wasn't a cartoon character. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: next one is from @b.j.gernatt he says, "checked yourself before you wrecked yourself." [ laughter ] >> i like that one. do that one first. >> jimmy: sure. >> can i have this one and you have that one so we both can have a camera? move it full circle. move. that works. speak up. they waiting for you. >> jimmy: i said -- um, he said -- >> steve: hey, you know what yvonne? the girls are upstairs. they are having a brunch and i heard denise say, "boy, i should call yvonne." >> i should go up there then. >> i don't need yvonne in my life this year, okay? i'm done with the drama. that's what the movies are for. if i want drama, i'll go see "the king's speech." okay? save the drama for your mama, okay? go the bahamas. say hi to obama. he's on a llama. [ laughter ]
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>> now, when they told me that denise wanted me to stop by and visit, i knew it was the polite thing to do because yvonne salahuddin is a polite, gracious and elegant woman. ♪ ♪ >> excuse me now. if i could get everyone's attention, please? it's been a very good year for my husband and the show. >> he's been on the cover of a few big magazines. he looks pretty good. [ scattered applause ] a little gay, but pretty good. [ laughter ] >> he's not the only one who's been asked to be in a magazine. "glamour" magazine has asked me to be in their april issue. "glamour" magazine. >> did somebody say "glamour?" >> do me a favor. just don't -- don't tell yvonne. i just don't want the drama. it's my big day, okay? [ light laughter ] >> whatever you want. >> it's my day -- it's my time to shine, and i am so excited.
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nothing is going to rain on my parade. >> oh, honey, i will be at that photo shoot. because if there's one woman who has glamour to share with the world, it's yvonne salahuddin. >> to "glamour" magazine. yay! "glamour" magazine here i come. >> "glamour" magazine, here i come. >> i could say i had a good feeling about this, but i would be lying. [ cheers and applause ] [ ship horn ] >> jimmy: check out old episodes at and stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with a brand new song from the vanilla wombats. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ if your racing thoughts keep you awake...
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sleep is here, on the wings of lunesta. and if you wake up often in the middle of the night... rest is here, on the wings of lunesta. lunesta helps you fall asleep and stay asleep, so you can wake up feeling rested. when taking lunesta, don't drive or operate machinery until you feel fully awake.
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walking, eating, driving, or engaging in other activities while asleep, without remembering it the next day, have been reported. abnormal behaviors may include aggressiveness, agitation, hallucinations or confusion. in depressed patients, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide, may occur. alcohol may increase these risks. allergic reactions, such as tongue or throat swelling, occur rarely and may be fatal. side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, dizziness and morning drowsiness. ask your doctor if lunesta is right for you. get lunesta for a $0 co-pay at sleep well, on the wings of lunesta. is a fun way to hydrate. that's a choice you can respect. ♪ other choices...not so much. [ pbht! ] capri sun roarin' waters.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ladies and gentlemen, here to sing their hit song, "i've finally accepted the fact that i wear size 36 jeans," please put your hands together for the vanilla wombats! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ 1, 2, 3, 6 1, 2, 3, 6 1, 2, 3, 6 1, 2, 3, 6 ♪ ♪ i've finally accepted the fact that i wear size 36 jeans ♪ ♪ i've finally accepted the fact that i wear size 36 jeans ♪ ♪ i used to be a 34 but i'm not anymore hey, hey, ho go i'm a size 36 waistline ♪ ♪ i'm a size 36 waistline ♪ i'm a size 36 waistline oh, oh i'm a size 36 waistline ♪ ♪ i'm a size 36 waistline i'm a size 36 waistline i'm a size 36 waistline oh, oh ♪ ♪ don't get me wrong i want to be clear about this i can squeeze into size 34 ♪ ♪ if i really really really really had to three, four hey, hey ho go ♪ ♪ i'm a size 36 waistline i'm a size 36 waistline i'm a size 36 waistline
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oh, oh ♪ ♪ i'm a size 36 waistline i won't eat any more pie i'm a size 36 waistline oh, oh ♪ ♪ ♪ and i'm going to stick with that ♪ [ cheers and applause ] my contacts are so annoying. i just want to rip 'em out.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest this evening is not only a new york times best-selling novelist. [ laughter ] she has also created one of the most popular tv characters of recent memory. by playing herself on the smash hit reality show "jersey shore." please welcome to the show nicole "snooki" polizzi! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: snooki! oh man. wow. what a reaction. what a reaction. they love you. >> i love it. yes. >> jimmy: congratulations. thanks for begin on our -- on my show. i'm a huge fan of yours. >> thanks for having me, yeah. >> jimmy: you brought snacks here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did you -- what did bring me? >> oh, those are huge. well, fried pickles. [ cheers and applause ] yes. >> jimmy: fried pickles. and these are bigger then -- now how did you come to understand what these things are? >> well, i went on a road trip. >> jimmy: i know you love pickles. >> yeah. me and jenny, we're on a road trip going to miami, and we stopped in georgia, and we had a fried pickles. and it was pretty much like a life changing experience. [ laughter ] it was so good. >> jimmy: your next book is gonna be like a detox show for -- a type of find yourself book. >> right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> right. >> jimmy: i've never tried a fried pickle. >> so let's try it now. >> jimmy: let's do it. now they have this, like a ranch creamy mayonnaise sauce. >> uh- huh. >> jimmy: i don't like that. >> that looks spicy. >> jimmy: and this is the hot
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sauce? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't do spicy. >> i don't do spicy. >> jimmy: you go straight up pickles. i'll try the ranch. yeah. >> jimmy: we're like yin and yang. [ crunching ] >> mmm. that is so good. >> jimmy: it's actually really delicious. >> uh- huh. >> jimmy: i like this a lot. >> amazing. >> jimmy: you don't think it's gonna be a pickle. >> huh? >> jimmy: you think it's gonna be a chicken mcnugget or something. [ laughter ] and then there's a pickle. >> it's amazing, right? >> jimmy: it's pretty good. i really like this a lot. thank you. >> i'm just gonna eat this whole thing right now. >> jimmy: go for it. yeah, yeah. they're here for us. [ laughter ] i don't know where i'm put mine because i don't know if i'm gonna eat the whole thing. >> oh for real. >> jimmy: because one of us has to talk. yeah. [ laughter ] you brought -- [ laughter ] you brought shots. you brought shots for me. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what did you bring? what did you bring me? >> i brought you my favorite shot of all. >> jimmy: uh - huh. >> it's a pickled shot. pickle juice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pickle juice. >> pickle juice. so do you want to try it right now. >> jimmy: mm-hmm.
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maybe. >> no, it's good. >> jimmy: okay, i trust you. >> salute. >> jimmy: cheers. salute, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's so good. >> jimmy: what? >> it's so good. >> jimmy: that was absolutely awful. [ laughter ] >> i love it. >> jimmy: that is salty and crazy. >> so good. >> jimmy: hey, congratulations on this book. "new york times" best sellers list. >> yeah, who knew? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's gigantic. >> yeah, thank you. >> jimmy: you gotta be so proud of yourself. that's great. >> yeah. yeah, i definitely wanted to surprise somebody, you know, with my book. i didn't want to do like an autobiography or you know, guidelines to being like me. i wanted to surprise people. so do, you know, a fiction novel. >> jimmy: yeah, it's fiction novel. but the character is -- >> obviously me. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] the girl is in the "jersey shore." >> right, yeah. >> jimmy: but i love that. you took it a different way. you have a ton of things. you have your own line of slippers. >> yes. >> jimmy: 'cause you're famous for those. >> snooki slippers. yes.
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>> jimmy: snooki slippers are awesome. and now you're working on a couple of new thing. >> um, yes, my jewelry line is coming out. so, it's going to be like all leopard or animal print. stuff like that. >> jimmy: is that some of your jewelry. >> bling bling. no. >> jimmy: that's a leopard though, right? >> i'm still working on it, but yeah. >> jimmy: it's kind of like that one. >> this is like a cougar. is it a cougar? or is it a tiger? >> jimmy: it's not a tiger i don't think. but maybe it is. maybe it is. >> i got one here, too. >> jimmy: maybe it's a lion. [ 'lion king' theme ] ♪ [ laughter ] simba. but you have a perfume coming out as well. >> yeah, i'm working on a perfume and a bronzer line. but i have no idea what to call it. >> jimmy: what to call it? you need names for the perfume. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: "jimmy." [ laughter ] >> like i was gonna do pu-fume, but i heard it's taken. >> jimmy: pu-fume. someone took pu-fume? >> yeah. i don't know who would take that. >> jimmy: i took it actually. i can sell it to you. let's think -- maybe for the bronzer, maybe "meatball sauce." >> that's good. >> jimmy: right. >> yeah. 'cause i'm a meatball. >> jimmy: you and deanna -- you
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coined the term "meatball." >> yes. team meatballs. >> jimmy: team meatballs. you're the meatballs that run around. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i can't believe people are picking on you. let's talk about the show 'cause i'm really obsessed with it. >> yeah of course. yeah. >> jimmy: crocodilly had a rough -- rough -- [ light laughter ] >> oh my god. my poor croc. >> jimmy: this is -- >> who does that? >> jimmy: who is crocodilly? please tell everybody. >> crocodilly is like my best friend. he's my cuddle buddy. he's a stuffed animal crocodile. i call him crocodilly. and um, he's just like a best cuddle buddy. >> jimmy: where did you get him from? >> you just put him between your legs, and it's like -- [ light laughter ] i actually -- [ laughter ] not like that! [ cheers and applause ] i didn't mean -- >> jimmy: good to have buddies. it's really good. good to have buddies like that. >> i won him at a dave and busters -- >> jimmy: did you really? >> -- before i left for the show, and you know, i just had to take him. >> jimmy: and now -- god, we had "the situation" on. we had pauly d. god, i love those guys both. >> yes. >> jimmy: pauly d. >> yes. >> jimmy: i love pauly d. he's just golden. >> i know. pauly's awesome. he's so hot. >> jimmy: he's so hot. i was just going to say that, yeah. [ laughter ] but he has called "the situation" "the snitchuation." i thought that was hilarious.
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>> yeah, i mean -- [ as the situation ] >> jimmy: "yeah, yeah, yeah." [ laughter ] >> yeah, mike is definitely a snitchuation and mike knows it, so -- >> jimmy: yeah he's snitching on everybody. the whole drama with sammi and ronnie, you can't pick a better story for reality tv. this is crazy. they get in fights. >> yeah, do you love it? >> jimmy: i absolutely love it. >> 'cause i don't. >> jimmy: you must hate it. i know. [ laughter ] i love your pain. that's the whole thing. >> yeah, oh my god. >> jimmy: you suffer for me. >> nobody ever understands what we and the roommates go through with ron and sam because, you know, one minute we're in this party house. we're going crazy. the next minute we're on a soap opera like watching these two fight. so it's like, "oh, like break up or do whatever and then move on with your life." >> jimmy: yeah, they break up. they get in fights. they break up, then they spoon together in that little bed at night. [ laughter ] these tiny, like, cots. these prison beds that you have. yeah. [ laughter ] and then they go, "i love, i love you" and they kiss each other. and oh my god. >> yes. >> jimmy: and then they wake up and they're like, "what was that about?" and then he's like, "you never cook for me." it's like -- oh my god. what is going on? it's crazy. >> yes. that's ron.
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>> jimmy: and sammi left. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sammi's back. who knows what's going to go down? >> nobody knows. >> jimmy: all right. we're gonna talk more "jersey shore" when we come back with nicole "snooki" polizzi everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i was driving in northern california. my son was asleep. i really didn't see it coming. i didn't realize i was drifting into the other lane. [ kim ] i was literally falling asleep at the wheel. it got my attention, telling me that i wasn't paying attention. i had no idea the guy in front of me had stopped short. but my car did. -my car did. -thankfully, my mercedes did. [ male announcer ] a world you can't predict... demands a car you can trust. the e-class. see your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services. [ male announcer ] cowhide dries out. so does your manhide. regular men's body wash can dry out your skin. dove men + care is different. only dove has micromoisture to fight skin dryness.
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- good. - the lee family: twins. with another on the way. - mazel tov. - that's meatloaf. - hmm. [click] that's still meatloaf. - very good. moving on. - we are insurance. - ♪ we are farmers ♪ bum di bum bum bum bum bum ♪
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breakfast for lunch. breakfast for dinner. with three new breakfast lovers dishes, who needs a break from breakfast? denny's. america's diner is always open. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: hey, everybody. we are back with "jersey shore's" nicole "snooki" polizzi. we're here. season 4, you're about to start shooting in italy. >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. >> sick [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: yes. i was gonna say that. you beat me to it. thank you for putting that word out there. >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, it is sick. >> very, very excited. you know, none of us speak italian, so it's going to be a little struggle for us. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. what are you going to do? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i mean, do you know where you're going to end up in italy? are you in venice? are you going to fall in water? can you swim? [ light laughter ] >> i can swim but we have no idea where we're going. i mean, it's just gonna be like a huge surprise for us. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and can you tell us if all the roommates are going? >> um, well yes. >> jimmy: everybody is going? >> yes, everyone is going. including sam. >> jimmy: sammi "sweetheart" is going as well? >> yes, sam will be there. >> jimmy: very interesting. and deanna, our new pal deanna is going, too? >> of course, deanna. >> jimmy: i mean, come on. >> little love bug. >> jimmy: i love deanna. >> yes. >> jimmy: little love bug.
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i love your language that you have with her. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: you actually at some points, you don't speak english at all. you just make sounds. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you go like -- [ snooki sounds ] >> uh- huh. oh wow. you did it perfectly. >> jimmy: but what does that mean? 'cause there's different -- [ snooki sounds ] >> well, the one you did -- the one you did is just like, "whatever." >> jimmy: okay. >> and then when you're really sad, you go -- [ snooki sounds ] that's like really, really sad. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then like a whatever one is like -- [ snooki sounds ] [ laughter ] you just walk around and you're just like -- [ snooki sounds ] >> jimmy: and what is it? that just means, "whatever, whatever, whatever." >> it's just like, "i don't feel like talking. don't talk to me." [ snooki sounds ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then if it's something bad like, "we're not getting our nails done?" [ snooki sounds ] >> yes. >> jimmy: is that it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh my god. >> it's good. >> jimmy: i'm trying to get better at it. yeah, yeah. >> you got it down. >> jimmy: i wanna be on team meatball. >> well, you need to audition first. >> jimmy: what's the criteria? >> well, you need to like cut your legs off 'cause you're too tall. [ laughter ] you need to be short. >> jimmy: oh really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: short, okay. good. so short girls out there should contact you -- >> yes. >> jimmy: -- if they want to audition? you should do like "meatball idol." >> yes. oh "meatball idol." >> jimmy: "meatball idol." >> we're auditioning for "meatball idol." if you want to be a meatball call me up.
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>> jimmy: but this is gonna be exciting. going to italy. oh my gosh. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you always want to go to italy? >> um, not really. [ laughter ] i always wanted to go to chile because that's where i was born. but italy, you know, that's awesome because that's -- that's like my family, so -- >> jimmy: i'm lost. sorry. >> i was -- i was born in chile, but i was adopted into an italian family. >> jimmy: oh okay. >> so i kind of have like both roots right there. >> jimmy: ah. >> so, you know. >> jimmy: it's gonna be fun. >> yeah, i'm excited. >> jimmy: it's good though. you currently have a boyfriend, right? >> i do. >> jimmy: so you're not looking for any -- any gorillas or juiceheads out there. >> well, unless you wanna go grab a drink later. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my god. hey, we have a clip we want to show from "jersey shore" that is going to air tonight. is that right? so i guess it aired earlier tonight. >> okay. >> jimmy: but this is -- i can't believe the snitchuation is trying to prank team meatball. >> yeah, not a good thing. >> jimmy: no, no. this is not going to end well. here's a clip from "jersey shore," you guys. [ phone dialing ]
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>> me and you. meatball power. [ burping ] >> exactly. oh yeah. i have two people. i'm sending them to times square, new york city. >> times square. >> yeah. ♪ ♪ >> if you're gonna do a prank, you really need to get somebody good. >> and the two passengers in the car think they're going to jenkinson's. it's a surprise, we're gonna take them to times square. >> oh we're telling them jenkinson's, but they're going to times square? >> yeah. >> okay. >> all righty. you got it. >> bye. >> bye- bye. >> you guys are going to jenks. >> it's on me. i'm paying for the taxi. >> are you coming? >> oh, mike, come with us. >> i'll meet you guys there. >> they think they are going to jenks but guess what. you're not going to jenks, you're going to times square. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can i just ask you right now? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where is jenkinson's? >> jenks is on the shore. >> jimmy: it's in new jersey? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: you're not going to new jersey.
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>> yeah, it's like ten minutes away and me and deanna, you know, we're [ bleep ] so we just keep going. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you go -- so it's in new jersey. so you end up going to times square? >> yeah. we ended up going to times square. yeah. >> jimmy: oh my god. sounds really -- [ snooki sounds ] >> i know. yup. exactly. >> jimmy: let's have a shot of pickle juice for your success. >> yeah. >> jimmy: here you go, pal. cheers. i'm gonna do one more, why not? >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: "jersey shore" airs on mtv at 10:00 p.m. thursday nights my thanks to nicole "snooki" polizzi. up next, martin bashir. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cellphone buzzes, grandparents snoring ] sweetie, did you just text me that your parents are going to be moving in with us? oh don't worry, honey. i switched to sprint so i get unlimited texts. [ cellphone buzzes, snoring continues ] you just emailed me that they're taking my room? sweetheart it's ok. email and web are unlimited, too. mum, please. do you want to tweet about it?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an award winning journalist who is starting his own show on msnbc next week appropriately called "martin bashir." please welcome martin bashir. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: is that martin? >> they're killers, they're the best. aren't they? >> jimmy: they are that. you can not beat the roots. welcome. >> they are the best. thank you. >> jimmy: great to have you here. sorry if i smell like pickles -- >> that's okay. >> jimmy: -- but, i had a lot of pickles before you came out. >> how was snooki? >> jimmy: she was fantastic. >> she's tremendous isn't she? >> jimmy: adorable. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you like her? you a fan? >> she's fantastic. did she talk to you about the inerrancy of scripture, and
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various other philosophical ideas? >> jimmy: we didn't get to it. [ laughter ] we didn't get to it, unfortunately. >> i'm surprised. >> jimmy: i know, it's a bummer. next time. next time we'll do that. yeah, yeah. welcome to the nbc family. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's very exciting. >> it's great to be here. >> jimmy: it should be -- a little pressure starting your own show. i had to deal with this two years ago. >> i know, it's tough. >> jimmy: it's now easy. but it's for you, i mean you've done major, major stories. >> yeah, i mean -- >> jimmy: princess diana was gigantic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was huge, and then michael jackson. >> yeah, there have been big stories, although my 14-year-old daughter, eliza, has never paid any attention to my career whatsoever, and i've been the recipient of about 30 awards, and blah, blah, blah, and all of these landmark interviews. and then two days ago she came home and she said, "dad, this is amazing." and i said, "what happened?" she said, "you're in the justin bieber movie!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> yes, and apparently there's a cameo of me in the justin bieber movie. >> jimmy: yes -- >> nobody even rang me up to ask me, or anything.
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i'm just in it apparently. >> jimmy: -- well we can tell everybody, you are a backup dancer for justin bieber. [ laughter ] >> no, no. >> jimmy: a lot of people don't know this. you're in 3-d. >> thank you. >> jimmy: absolutely. although this is a big honor. yeah. i've got to ask you about the michael jackson interview. because that for me, that's the first time i really knew your name, martin bashir. because it was headlines, that you got to talk to him, you got to go into where he lived, and it was just fascinating to me to see, like i think you kind of really humanized him for me a little bit. because, for me, i was just like, man, michael is out there. you know, sleeping with the elephant man's bones and, you know and the oxygen tank and i go, "this guy -- i don't know if he's a person anymore." and then you tagged along with him and remember, you went to vegas and he was just like buying weird -- he was like, "i want that vase, and i want that golden moose holding a tennis racket and i want that." [ laughter ] and i'm like, "what? i have no idea. we do not have the same life at all." i can't relate to michael jackson, like -- >> he spent $6.9 million in 23 minutes. [ audience ohs ] $6.9 million. >> jimmy: i can't remotely, remotely relate to spending $60
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in ten minutes. [ laughter ] it was like a test. i mean, i guess i can do it -- >> i can vouch for that. i asked him for a drink beforehand. >> jimmy: no, that's not going to happen. absolutely. but i mean -- but i mean, are there things that you left out of the thing? that you were like -- >> no. >> jimmy: -- i'm happy i did. >> absolutely not. and in fact, it was, let's be honest, an amazing privilege. because you get to meet the man who created some of the greatest music that's ever been written. but, he wasn't just a composer. he was a dancer, he was a singer and he was a composer. how many people combine all three characteristics in one? and he was an absolute genius. but it was difficult, because i guess to some extent because i come from britain where we don't do sycophantic interviews. we don't really suck up to people very much. we don't do that kind of thing. >> jimmy: yeah, we love that in america. >> yeah i know, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: by the way, you smell fantastic today. >> i'm not going to go very far here. thank you. >> jimmy: and yeah, you look gorgeous. >> oh, thank you so much.
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>> jimmy: absolutely. >> yeah, no, i think my career is going to last about three weeks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, we have people from england come over and act mean to people. and you go -- simon cowell. >> it's not so much act mean. it's more, i'm driven by an idea to get to the truth. so what is the truth? >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, if i was interviewing you about things, i would want to know a number of things about you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm going to go there now. we'll talk about it later. [ laughter ] but, the point is, i would want to find out things about you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but the problem was, when i did that, there were some people who obviously regarded michael as a messiah or as god-like and they objected to that. >> jimmy: i thought it was -- i thought it was actually cool. i thought you very -- you humanized him for me. >> you're being sycophantic jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no, no. >> you are. >> jimmy: but i watched it going, "i can't believe it. he's up in a tree right now." >> i know. >> one of the things i'm finding difficult about doing my own show is that i don't really like the focus on me. because i'm interested in the person that i'm talking to. >> jimmy: right. >> and when you do that, people respond to you and they start talking. but you have to listen. interviewing is as much, as you know, about listening as it is about talking. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, what did you say? [ laughter ]
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[ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: i just zoned out for a second. i was thinking about pickles. [ laughter ] >> yeah, no. i've got ya. that was tough. >> jimmy: that was tough. do you have any scoop on the royal wedding now? this is the big deal. kate middleton. >> well -- it's going to be a big event. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> and it's going to be huge. what's interesting about america as compared with britain -- there's no monarchy in america. there is in britain. and yet, here the americans are nuts about the royal wedding. >> we get excited. we think it's like luke and laura. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it's like "general hospital" here. it like, well, a big dress, you're going to look awesome. it's like -- >> it's fabulous. >> jimmy: we get to see a royal wedding, oh my god. i mean, that's exciting. >> but also the other thing is -- >> jimmy: in 3-d. >> yeah, absolutely. in hd. >> jimmy: h-d, 3-d, whatever d you want. let's do it. >> it's great. >> jimmy: it has to be. >> we're going to do our show from london every day for five days. we're going to cover the royal wedding in its entirety. >> jimmy: what is your show going to cover? what is it going to be like? can you compare it to anything? >> that's a really good question. >> jimmy: thank you. [ laughter ] >> i don't know.
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i'm hoping -- i'm -- i'm hoping -- that was sycophantic, sorry. [ laughter ] i'm hoping -- >> jimmy: you're learning. you're learning. >> i'm learning, i've got to be like that. yeah. >> jimmy: next time you've got to go on with the poof and pickles. and you'll be like, "martin, what happened to you?" yeah. exactly. >> i don't know. i mean i'm hoping that there is something about being an outsider that will be beneficial to the audience. i think that i'll be approaching some of the conflict politically in a way that a lot of ordinary americans wonder what the hell is this shut down about? what's this row about? so i'm hoping that some of that detachment will come, and i'll be able to bring that. but also, it will be a wide range of stories. so you know, if snooki falls over drunk, and gets arrested, and she does something outrageous. or if lindsay lohan attempts to steal, allegedly, some jewelry. we'll cover that. but equally we'll be interested in the elections, and we'll be interested the politics, and we'll be interested in foreign affairs. >> i'm very excited to see what you do with the show. i'm so happy. i'm a big fan. >> are you going to come on though? >> jimmy: if i'm drunk and steal something, absolutely. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "martin bashir"
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premieres on msnbc next monday, 3:00 p.m. martin bashir everbody. laurie anderson preforms next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest is an influential musician and artist who's here tonight to perform a song from "homeland" her first album in nine years. please welcome laurie anderson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ good evening my name is fenway bergamot and it's a great pleasure to be here with you this evening ♪ ñ and by the way here's my theory of punctuation instead of a period at the end of each sentence ♪ ♪ there should be a tiny clock that shows you how long it took you to write ♪
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♪ that sentence and another way to look at time is this there was an old ♪ ♪ married couple and they had always hated each other never been able to stand ♪ ♪ the sight of each other really and when they were in their 90s they finally got ♪ ♪ divorced and people said now why did you wait so long why didn't you do this a whole lot earlier ♪ ♪ and they said well, we wanted to wait until the children died [ light laughter ]
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♪ ♪ america yes and that will ♪ be america a whole new place just waiting to happen ♪ ♪ you know the reason i really love the stars is that we cannot hurt them we can't burn them ♪ ♪ we can't melt them we can't make them overflow we can't flood them or blow them up or ♪ ♪ turn them out
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but we are reaching for them we are reaching for them ♪ ♪ ♪ some say our empire is passing ♪ as all empires do and others haven't a clue what time it is ♪ ♪ or where it goes or even where the clock is
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and all my brothers and all my sisters ♪ what are days for days are where we live oh, another day ♪ another dime another day in america ♪ ♪ another day another dollar another day in america ♪ ♪


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